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I totally understand how you feel about the play. So sorry about your father. I lost my husband young in life, moved to a smaller village and took up the game...lessons...lessons...lessons...oh and the angst I feel when playing 'live'...so yes I also play online hoping to get it and the courage and confidence ...one day!
YOU CAN DO IT DONT WORRY ABOUT YOUR SCORE THSTS THE WAY YOU LEARN