Risques et Récompenses au Bridge – Les difficultés de l’intervention sans saut – Partie 2
(Cliquez ici pour lire la première partie de cette série) L’intervention san...
A few years ago when I started counseling bridge players, I discovered that many had trouble finding partners for live and online games. In many cases players would give up after a few unsuccessful attempts, and start to play with random people, picking up someone from partnership desk without any real intention of building a partnership. While playing occasionally with a stranger might be interesting and exciting, in my experience most people would like to have a regular partner for at least some events. So, what can we do to increase the odds of finding a suitable partner?
As in most other situations, it's crucial to start with ourselves: let others know that you're looking for a partner, introduce yourself properly, make yourself visible and desirable.
There's no reason why other players would think you don't have a regular partner, or that you're interested in finding one, unless you tell them. In live clubs you can ask for the assistance of the tournament manager, or your bridge friends, but it's even easier online: just include this information in your profile. Some of you may feel uncomfortable letting others know you're searching for a partner. If a general announcement like “I'm looking for a steady partnership” seems too intimidating, you can focus on specific tournaments or days (e.g. “I'm looking for a partner for Thursday evenings.”). You can easily grab attention with an interesting profile statement. Write something about yourself or your attitude towards bridge. Here are a few examples:
Providing a link to Facebook or your personal web page is not a bad idea. Wouldn’t it be nice if you knew something about the person apart from their bridge perspective?
Now that we know how to put ourselves in focus, here are some hints on choosing a partner. By putting some effort into pre-selection of possible partners you can avoid disappointments later on.
Potential bridge partners are all around us, but how do I locate the right one? First, we should know that there are actually many right ones and that many other players, just like us, are looking for partners. When it comes to online bridge where physical distance is irrelevant, the pool of potential partners becomes enormous, and the “trial and error” method is not so effective. Therefore, it's advisable to do some screening in advance.
That leads us to the most important thing in locating a compatible partner – which is to be aware of what we're looking for. Although this seems obvious, players often only have a vague idea about their preferences. Some focus on skill level or system and think the rest will follow. It's an OK strategy if play is indeed the only thing that matters to you, but often, after some time we realize that we expect other attributes too. In my experience one’s approach to the game, attitude towards partner, atmosphere generated at the table are far more important than whether you play weak or strong no trump.
Back to skill compatibility; when I started to conduct research on psychology of bridge, in one of the first studies I asked participants to rate their skill level in comparison to other regular club members. Interestingly, less than 20% thought they were below average, while over 60% argued they were above. However, finding someone’s (real) bridge level isn't difficult. You just have to check some of their results that are probably conveniently published online. So, don’t fall for what can be sometimes misleading self-promotion.
Another thing that can help in locating a partner is kibitzing. Through kibitzing you can learn, discover new methods, compare yourself to the others and get familiar with someone’s table habits. In both live and online bridge, the best way to learn about the game and people is by kibitzing.
If you're among those who find kibitzing boring, and want to be actively involved all the time, I suggest observing opponents - because any of them may be potential future partners. In both virtual and live settings if you play regularly, and engage in (virtual) club life, you get to know other members. During play you can see how people handle tough situations, what methods they use, how they behave and if their style fits yours. Tournament lobbies, online forums, bridge clubs’ groups on social networks are all great venues to meet other players and potential partners. Bridge clubs, both live and online, can offer so much more than just play. Once you engage in club life and become part of a community, it becomes much easier to interact with people and to find a suitable partner.
Looking for a partner isn't a passive state, it's an engaging process. So, take some time to determine what you're looking for, and be open about the fact that you're looking for a partner. Once you dive into (live or virtual) club life you'll see that some members are involved in regular partnerships, but many, just like you, are trying to find a partner. It's much easier to decide who would suit you if you see them play and interact.
Make yourself noticeable by providing an honest description of your skills, preferences and attitudes. Grab attention with interesting details. While you don't have to accept every offer, if someone's keen to play with you, give them a chance. Even if you're sure it won't work out, or if you're by far the better player; devoting a little time to making someone happy, can’t be wrong - and you'll always learn something new!
Please share your experiences of finding a partner with me and other readers in the comments below.
Tihana Brkljačić is a psychologist and a bridge player. She teaches psychology and bridge at Zagreb university. She represented Croatia at multiple European championships and at The World Championship (Wuhan cup) in 2022. As a psychologist, her main areas of interest are in quality of life, well-being and communication. Additionally, she studies the psychology of games (focusing on bridge in particular) and consults players on various topics.
Update as a result of some of the useful comments below
Finding a partner on BBO - if you feel like playing a pair tournament and none of your partners are around, go to the tournament's Partnership desk to add your name, or invite someone to partner up. But if you’re looking for a steady bridge partner check out the Looking for a partner section within the BBO Forum (you need to login with your BBO username and password to post).
I need a partner playing ACOL rules
I enjoy playing Bridge on Arp But cannot understand the scoring system. How any player can earn 10000 point in any game is absurd It is pointless increasing your partners bid as there is no game score.
J'ai rarement lu une telle analyse par un/une bridge usé (trop rarement porteur/se de valeurs intéressantes) Sincère MERCI à TAHINA, pour ces propos chargés de justesse, profoneur et humanisme ! 👍😍🏹
Thank you!
As noted above, I don't see a place to advertise my interest in finding aa partner. Not at BBO, not at ACBL.
I am fortunate to have met several people with whom I can play and I enjoy playing with them, both online and face-to- face. However, I would like to meet someone who would like to be competitive at regionals or districts. I would advertise for this.
Hi John, maybe you can ask your club managers to help in finding partner for Regionals or Districts.
Look for a partner with same bridge ambitions. So, first be clear about yours..
So true, and so many partnership didn't succeed because of different ambitions.
BBO should have a place where people looking for partners could register.
Indeed. Hope they are reading this 🙂
Hi Sarah - sorry for the late reply. You can use the partnership desk when you need a partner at short notice for specific partner games and tournaments. And if you're looking for a partner in general you can go to the BBO Forum, and either reply to an existing thread or start a new one here https://www.bridgebase.com/forums/forum/12-find-a-partnerteacher/
Hi I had a bridge partner for 5 years.
Then lockdown my partner began to play with someone else online.
I then got an email informing me that my partner wanted to continue playing with their new partner in all the sessions we used to play. Eg lessons, at the club in the team.
This made it very awkward for me to continue playing in these sessions as I did not have a partner.
So I tend to play online now.
Even though I miss the FtoF sessions.
Oh, it seems like it is time to look for a new partner for ftf games. Online bridge is great, but it should not substitute ftf entirely. I suggest you go to your club. Maybe you can tell club manager that you would play as a substitute if a team needs a player. By playing occasionally, or even just kibitzing, it would be much easier to find out who is looking for partner.
I am interested in playing bridge
I want to find partner
Hi Jaroslav,
I hope you will find some of my suggestions useful. Good luck!
thanx a lot for ur useful article i agree with u in all especially in kebietzing matter it helps a lot first to contact with a player u watch u like to be his partner and also watching good players had improved a lot my bridge as a player
Thank you!
More important than looking for a partner is being ready to be a partner.
very nicely said 🙂
Thanks, Tihana-- very useful article. I'd be interested in your thoughts about how to gracefully exit a longstanding partnership when it becomes clear that the partnership has become stale.
"Serzhik"
Hi Serge,
Thank you, I will cover this issue in one of my future columns.
It is not easy, and it needs to be done tactfully.
I wish there were a forum, like the AOL chat rooms, for discussing bridge and searching for partners.
Hi Debbie,
I believe you can open "looking for partner" post at BBO forums, or BBO Facebook group.
Yes, very good 🙂
🙂
How about learning by doing? Should work in bridge too! I give many a chance to play with me and can quickly judge if it fits, experienced players can do that. Besides, the new BBO programme indicating "first log in" is
very useful!
I lost many partners cause of "ego players" and quite a few, tho, a pity, made
me stupid "advances" knowing I was "female"...LOL! Wrong site!
Many players are afraid of a "stronger" partner, which is the wrong way to
look at it, cause a stronger one pulls a weaker one on and with a little under-
standing the wonderful fun of this game is guaranteed!
very interesting thoughts Oscho, and very good approach in finding partner.
How can I contact someone who has posted their comments?
Your post is good, but would be fantastic if it could serve also to connect with others looking. The 'Reply' after comment does not respond.
I would like to connect with Stephen Wiseman. What is his handle on BBO?
I am Cece007 on BBO, am a RLM and as an acbl accreditited bridge teacher am flexible. My bids are 'Text Book' and I can play most conventions.
Hi Cecella,
Sorry, I cannot influence this features, I am just a writer. I hope Stephen will contact you.
Good luck!
every player should be encouraged to have a detailed profile of what they like to play -
Hi Shelia,
This is very important for instant partnerships for a specific tournament. But, if you are building a long term partnership, you will have time to discuss and adjust and finally create a system that suits both players.
interesting comments from you but 'where do I find a partner' . Where do I look etc.
Please see Paul's reply bellow.
The best way to find a partner is associated with club games. There is an effective mechanism in place at our unit. Unfortunately, I was the care giver for my wife until she passed away recently, so I couldn't devote much time to bridge. I decided to play in the Reno regional and started looking for a partner that I could practice with and play in the tournament. I posted on my unit's webpage, bridgebase and some software for finding a partner specifically for the Reno tournament. My batting average was zero in responses. When I arrived at the tournament, I filled out a card at the partnership desk with my cell phone number. I went back to the desk when it was staffed and was barely able to find someone to play with and not even complete a convention card. I found out four things, almost all players have an established partnership, I'm 77 and a youngster, players are inflexible about not playing their favorite conventions and the whole experience is like bad dating. I give up. I thought the ideal model was find a partner on bridgebase, develop a partnership through discussion and play and occasionally play live bridge with that person. This does not exist in my reality. I've played duplicate bridge ona and off for over 60 and finding a partner was no big deal.
I am sorry to hear this. Maybe instead of posting it would be better to go to the club and meet people there. Of course, sometimes it is not possible. I hope you will give it another try. Good luck and all the best!
what is kibitzing?
it is watching others play 🙂
Dans la pratique,, lors de la recherche d'un partenaire dans la liste des instances,80% des 15 premiers joueurs devant qui il y a des étoiles refusent l'invitation quitte à ne pas participer. Que faire face à ces joueurs qui pensent être au dessus du lot.
Pour le reste de l'article c'est très édifiant pour aimer plus la pratique de ce sport.
Hi Ammar, there are certainly some players who would not play with a weaker player (or someone they perceive as weaker player), but lets just ignore them, it is their problem. Being rejected from time to time shouldn't discourage us from trying to find a suitable partner.
I am interested in finding a partner of advanced level for bbo tournaments
Hi Liliane, maybe it would be good to include this line in your BBO profile.
Good luck!
Good Guide lines in finding a bridge partner
Thank you!
In my experience, 8 out of 10 times if a woman expresses an interest for a bridge partnership with a man, a bit more than just bridge is expected. And it is not always pleasant or flattering.
Thank you for sharing your opinion. I think I will write about this in one of my future columns.
Some might say that it is the case 10 out of 10 times when a man expresses interest for a bridge partnership with a woman.... And it is NEVER flattering!
Bit where do I click to find a partner???
Hi Giovanna - here's a video on registering for a pairs tournament, and one of the things it covers is using the BBO partnership desk https://youtu.be/UIKxtRCSiHk