Sensation Seeking at the Bridge Table
Recently Facebook started making suggestions for me to join various Dull Women's...
This was going to be a column on the cognitive challenges that bridge offers as it's an important topic and many of us enjoy the mental training that comes about from learning and problem solving. I had already started to write it when a friend of mine died. Well, he was not a close friend, but a player I knew from the bridge table. His name was Nikica Staničić. One day he was there, the next he was gone, so it came as a shock to the Croatian bridge community. Our federation is small, with fewer than a thousand members, so those who have been playing for several years get to know almost everyone. And everyone liked and respected Nikica as he was such an unassuming, modest, sweet gentleman.
Nikica took beginners' bridge lessons when he was already approaching his senior years. Together with his wife Anica, he regularly played in Zagreb bridge clubs and visited tournaments in the neighborhood. They were together for a lifetime, living an ordinary, happy life, as those who manage to unite with their soulmates do. They always played together. Anica was much more of a talent and was not exactly reluctant to point that out.
Nikica, on the other hand, couldn’t care less for the intellectual challenge of bridge. He was not upset about bad boards, he was never ashamed of himself for making a ridiculous bid or play, and, thinking back, I don’t remember him being particularly happy when he himself would score a top. Competitiveness was not in his vocabulary. I doubt he knew that there was a ranking list of players, let alone ever checked his position.
You may remember, in my June column, I was contemplating bridge as a serious leisure activity. Well, for Nikica there was nothing serious about the game, but he thrived just from being there.
Let me explain. In their regular discussions that tended towards monologues, Anica was right more often than not, but no matter what happened, he would never utter a word or frown. I believe he was secretly so proud of her and her fighting, unforgiving spirit that he genuinely enjoyed every moment. And she knew that. She was performing for him in this imaginary life at the table. Instead of getting upset or defensive, he stayed completely calm with a mysterious smile floating in the corner of his lips. Bridge was a theater, and he was perfectly satisfied playing a supporting role. While his ambitions in bridge were close to zero, that didn’t interfere at all with his ability to take pleasure from it. On the contrary, it maybe even helped since he was not struggling with feelings of incompetence and disappointment as many do. He was just sitting there with an aura of calmness, greeting every opponent in a kind and respectful manner, waiting for the unfolding plot of another board. He enjoyed the atmosphere, cherished his wife, and was so amused with all of us fighting over a deck of cards. No matter the score, he always left the tournament happy and fulfilled.
Though he was not talkative, during the last decade I witnessed enough of his well-placed, sharp, witted observations to consider him a highly intelligent person. I am sure he could have learned bridge to a much higher level if he had given it a try. But he was perfectly satisfied with his beginners' skills and fascinated by the picturesque and dynamic bridge scenery he was a part of. And that's how bridge enriched his senior years, and how he, together with Anica, enriched bridge in Croatia.
I remember one particular club tournament when I approached them during the break. We were chatting a little about unimportant daily issues when Anica blurted out that their opponents had just bid and made three slams in a row, a single round. I hadn’t played those boards yet, so obviously they had to be canceled, and I lost the opportunity to play the slammish round. I was kind of upset, but seeing them giggling about their unintentional prank was worth missing those boards.
I can still see them standing on a cold winter night, shivering in front of the club, wrapped only in long-lasting affection, sharing a cigarette as if they were teenagers. They were carefully planning their bridge excursions, sometimes sacrificing other small indulgences to make ends meet. They rarely missed a tournament in the neighborhood, even if it meant waking up early and driving a few hours in their old car, sipping an espresso to beat the tiredness. Even in their own hard times, they were the most loyal participants in any charity tournament and gave their best to support the bridge community.
Nikica played his last tournament with his wife a few days before he died. On his final board, he scored 100%. While I was relieved to discover that, I am sure he wouldn’t have minded if it was a zero.
He was one of the most devoted followers of the Croatian Bridge Federation Facebook, cheering passionately for our teams at whichever event they attended. He liked my Facebook post regarding Croatian teams at the European Championships a day before he passed. As I am writing this, his name is still on the list of the pairs who registered for the “Club Birthday Tournament” and I don’t have the strength to remove him and Anica from the list. He is so much still here. I don’t know what happened, but I am sure Heaven is a more peaceful place now.
I often see club players arguing - after all, that is an integral part of bridge that many enjoy. However, Nikica taught me that bridge can be an important, fulfilling part of our lives even if we do not take it seriously, even if we put no effort into improving or comparing ourselves with others. By focusing fully on cards and immersing in the game, we may overlook some of its additional benefits, those that Nikica was a true expert of.
Do you know players like Nikica, or maybe, are you yourself one of them? Do we need more Nikicas in bridge to make it less stressful and more comfortable for all?
This column is dedicated to Mr. and Mrs. Staničić, as through the years they made Croatian bridge a better, more human place.
Tihana Brkljačić is a psychologist and a bridge player. She teaches psychology and bridge at Zagreb university. She represented Croatia at multiple European championships and at The World Championship (Wuhan cup) in 2022. As a psychologist, her main areas of interest are in quality of life, well-being and communication. Additionally, she studies the psychology of games (focusing on bridge in particular) and consults players on various topics.
Intention
This lovely story about a wonderful bridge player/partner reminds us that many play for various reasons.
At the end of the day, a eulogy doesn’t have a score but presents the personality of the person, in this case, an unserious bridge player, but lovely partner.
I have now read this article 3 times, and each time it brings a smile to my face. Although I play "competitive" bridge, I still play it for fun - and I teach new players to the game just how social and fun it can be for them FOREVER.
Thank you so much for sharing this beautiful story.
Great article, we sometimes forget bridge is a game to be enjoyed, especially with our
spouse, and its really not worth it to argue....
What a good example our Croatian friend set for all of us!
Yours is the first article I read, taken by the title, puzzled that anyone could play duplicate unseriously.
It is a lovely article that made me cry, cry about the beauty of their relationship and that their life fulfilled them together.
Thanks
This was a very good article. I take bridge too seriously and it is good to be reminded that it should be enjoyed. Thanks
This write-up beautifully shows how we can find happiness in simple things. N's story is a great reminder that activities like playing bridge don't always have to be about winning or being the best. The real value often comes from the connections we make and the satisfaction we find in doing something we enjoy without feeling pressured to always excel.
Loved this article! Keep writing!
I really enjoyed reading this article and how bridge can be enjoyed simply as a wonderful pastime at a non competitive level.
What a well-written story and description of Nikica..this man that I didn't know but feel like I do. I adore the good natured players that I arrive at the table, puts everyone at ease and a gentleman like Nikica embodies the best side of the wonderful game of bridge.
Thank you for a lovely story. I want to be the best, that I can be. I enjoy bridge for the brain stimulated, and the fun of socializing and trying my best just getting out and about.
Vale Nikica
What a beautiful tribute. Thanks for writing it and sharing it with us.
Bridge certainly needs more players like this!!. Some 20 years ago i succumbed to a brain bleed during a National bridge convention. For a long time i had a short-term memory, and lost a few partners. However, thanks to a Higher Being, I am back at the table and much more relaxed now, and really enjoying my bridge. It is definitely Not worth having a brain haemorrage!!! so don't get upset!!
I really enjoyed reading all that. Bridge has been my life saver since my husband passed, and I have made many new friends. Long may it continue.
A large majority of bridge players will never reach the top academic level of bridge. The social aspect of it is just as important: we need to recognise this. If we do this we will enjoy the game more. Unfortunately I have seen so many players leave bridge as it effects their self worth. Don't let this happen to you.
When I am down near the bottom I say to myself: "I made lots of people happy today"
Enjoy your bridge.
After having two very difficult situations happen this week that were disgusting I was seriously thinking about removing myself from duplicate bridge, which I have been playing for years.
Thanks you for this article. I will go back today with a new way of being!
I am so glad I came upon this article this morning. I had more or less decided to give up bridge due to continuing to make the same mistakes and being criticized. But I still like the game and now I know I just need to relax and find someone to play with that is as relaxed as I want to be. Thank you for the great article.
Thanks for a real day-brightener!
In this troubled world it is good to learn of people like Nikica. It makes us calmer.
Just what I had to hear right now. Thank you.
Nice
Thanks for this kind tribute, Tihana
We can not all be champions,Bridge is for pleasure
Wonderful article that illustrates an alternative psychology to the “compete, improve, win” mentality of many.
As a psychologist myself I often think the relational benefits of bridge are undervalued and yet they offer a truly rewarding non-serious leisure pursuit.
Ruth-loved main article and in total agreement with Sally
A loving tribute to a well-lived life. Thank you for sharing.
I learnt bridge just before lockdown with the University of the Third Age in England and my reason for learning was that I was recently retired and wanted to keep my brain active. I play with a partner who is not so good so I have learnt to be forgiving. I used to get stressed playing particularly face to face, so the internet has kept me playing. Also my wife now has dementia so I don't have to leave her. But the best bit is that I am a naturist so I don't have to get dressed and I can be completely relaxed.
So I started trying to learn many conventions and looking at my EBU grade, but now I have learnt to play for enjoyment.
It's a bit like walking. If you take it leisurely you get to notice nature but if you are timing yourself then the watch become the sole focus.
Absolutely!!
A lovely read Tihana. I'd like to play bridge with more people like Nikica
I would like to have a partner like that but I struggle with remembering the conventions. Any suggestions.
It's easy really, you can do without almost all conventions. PLay a simple system with only Stayman and Blackwood. If you ever add anything at all, agree up front that it will only be something that you and your partners are both commfortable with - effectively yo give each other a power of verto.
Acknowledge that you might add nothing at all, ever.
What will improve your game beyond any conventions is to improve your counting skills. There's a series of 2 or 3 courses by Mike Lawrence (computer software) that you can buy quite cheaply which slowly develop this theme.
Counting and the drawing of inferences are the skills that will improve your results beyond bounds, the detective work of bridge that is satisfying beyond belief when you get a hand right "knowing" where all the "unseen" cards are.
You only need two conventions - stayman and blackwood. KISS - keep it simple stupid
BRIDGE IS HARD TO PLEASE THE OTHER PLAYERS
ALL THE MESSAGES THAT COME UP
I AM DOING MY BEST AND WIN SOMETIMES, DONT WIN
WHAT EVER IT IS SORRY IF SOMETHING IS WROOG
That was truly worth writing about, they were obviously a very special couple.
My deepest sympathy to Anica.
THANK YOU
Great article
Loved it!
Great article. This wonderful man understood that all the world’s a stage and all the men and women merely players♥️